A “fictionalized” memoir with the unlikely title of “Sweet
Holy Motherfucking Everloving Delusional Bastard?” I wasn’t even going to
bother with it. But then I read, in the prologue, that jail time is involved,
though he warns that this book is no jailhouse confessional. Instead, he says,
it’s the story of what happens to his fictionalized self between college
graduation and incarceration. (You’ll have to read the book to understand this trajectory.)
Now I became at least curious. Could the author manage to avoid the pitfall of
poor-poor-pitiful-me whining that infects post-jail memoirs?
Oh, man. Could he ever.
Jerome Segundo may have been born to be a stand-up comic. At
the very least, he’s a hell of a good writer and storyteller, whose next book
will be about the ultimate diet regimen: punishment. But sticking to the
present topic, Segundo’s tongue-in-cheek adventure in the world of
self-discovery, friendship, dating and sex is one of the liveliest, most
entertaining stories I’ve read in years. Really. He’s witty, in a
self-immolating sort of way. He’s smart, and a clever writer. With his best
buddies, he’s coarse—but aren’t they all. Bottom line: his heart is really,
really in the right place, even if his head is reeling with confusion.
Segundo will swear it’s fiction, but the truth lies within
the pages, and draws readers deeper and deeper into his crazy young life, then
breaks their hearts before he’s finished with them, incarcerated as the result
of a complex set of circumstances that don’t add up to a well-defined crime.
Segundo is, however, one of those people who grows and finds
a new self in the process. His book does not concern jail time—it covers the
crazy set of circumstances which put him there. Throughout this preposterously
named book (and the title fits once you’ve read it), Segundo’s misadventures
with his friends, his conversations with women and the trials of his goofy
20-something life make a great read. He and his two main pals are sardonic and
blissfully unaware of life’s pitfalls, experiencing one after another with
aplomb. Though naïve, they mature within a society that sees fit to ignore
them—especially in the job market. They are the temporary slobs, slackers and
posturers of society, the brothers every sister loves and can’t stand at the
same time.
Segundo is young during the time period of this memoir. He
is at once hopeful and skeptical—and far from politically correct. Yet he is
the boy next door, who captures a unique story in a fresh style; his writing
skills prove that he paid attention, at some point in his life, to good
literature and good writing. Skirting the sharp edge between fiction and
reality, with a tale of quite credible impact, Segundo leaves the reader
hang-jawed, shouting, “Don’t do it, you idiot!” as he ventures into each mishap.
Pick your favorite, whether it involves borscht and burritos, angry bees, prostatitus
cures, “schlepping” flowers, or “speds” field trips (I warned you—not
politically correct). This memoir, with its hard-to-remember but impossible to
forget title, will win you over.
His gift for description and dialogue is well established,
and sure to bring readers much more fun down the line.
Because of the way the book deals with the incident that puts
him in prison, however, any young man out on his own ought to read this
book—forewarned is kind of important here.
“… The verdict was the malformed product of a binary system
of jurisprudence that proclaims either guilt or innocence and ignores the
plight of those caught in between. A reasonable case could be made that I am
both guilty and innocent. Or neither guilty nor innocent. I’m still grappling
with the issue myself,” he writes.
I don’t mean to get into a lecture on the rights or wrongs
of criminal acts. I mean only to say this is a good book, a funny book and—in
fact—an important book. It has a bit more sex than I like to read, but younger (and
more contemporary) readers will like it just as much. I am, after all, his
mother’s age.
Segundo—keep writing. You’re un-holy funny and pretty darn
smart about yourself and your friends. But next time, choose a title that won’t
keep you off the shelves, ok?
